Russian departments around the globe are trying to make sense of the myriad of new writing phenomena emerging from Russia and desecrating their golden, silver and even bronze eras. A central dilemma is how to classify the new wave of "Xena: Warrior Princess" fan fiction written in the Russian language. The answer is given by our most esteemed Russian Scholar associate, Dr. Ivanna Intelektualnaya-Smith

NB: For intellectual reasons that may not be obvious to the more stupid members of our audience, the following answer to this polemic is formulated in the style of a universally known Russian department belonging to a University in Northern Europe (sort of to the left, on an island, they don't use the Euro), which produced hordes of pathetic, confused and useless-to-society graduates, most of whom went on to fast-track careers in mental institutions around the globe.

 For full intellectual impact, imagine Dr. Vera Petrovna (Russified name to avoid lawsuits) saying the following in that terribly intellectual screechy voice, which immediately inspires one to take notes.

"It's obviously samizdat, a Russification of tamizdat. The 'popular' (in this case a Western television series on a picaresque theme examining the life and adventures of an actual real historical figure from Ancient Greece's glorious past) is first universalised and is then translated and recreated as the local, the 'ethno-national', this is Michel de Certeau's model of "poaching," in which an audience appropriates a text for itself. In the case of "Xena: Warrior Princess", the process of "poaching" has occurred twice - the first time when the Director of the TV series appropriated the life and lore of Xena, and added in some perhaps fictitious characters. For example, the goddess Aphrodite may not be a historical figure and is clearly blasphemous to the majority of Greeks and Russians who believe in only one God - God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit, which are three but are also one. This is called Monotheism. Then, fans of the TV show re-stole the text and used it for their own purposes. Perhaps this was a reaction against the blasphemy of the 'multi-theistic' themes inherent in the TV series.

'Fan fiction' is the means by which characters and situations of popular yet 'remote' cult TV and film productions are re-possessed by the supposed passive audience and reworked into personal stories, again for mass consumption, much in the same way as more 'traditional' forms of entertainment - the Balagan, the Lubok, the Lives of the Saints - were passed from place to place and adapted, a 'locally relevant' narrative being imposed upon a ready made framework of characters, situations and relationships. Izvinite pozhalsta, u nas sherry v drugoy komnate esli vy xotite, spasibo vam. Jest voprosy?"

They would file it under Gen/ Slav/ Literature/ Internet Fan Fiction and there would be a course on it which would involve watching films by Tarkovsky and then writing fan fiction about them.